


Love Doesn't Have Restrictions

by Ember Nickel (primeideal)



Category: Twitter - Fandom
Genre: 2012 United States Election, Crack Pairing, Don't Need to Know Canon, Iambic Pentameter, Other, Poetry, Primer, Rhyming, Robots, Twitter, Yuletide 2012, Yuletide Treat, numbers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-13
Updated: 2012-12-13
Packaged: 2017-11-21 01:26:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/591868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/primeideal/pseuds/Ember%20Nickel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Being the epic love story of @pentametron and @stupidcounter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love Doesn't Have Restrictions

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cnoocy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cnoocy/gifts).



> Thanks as always to my fearless beta, nnozomi. Thank you to cnoocy for giving me a new crack OTP. The central-aligned text is from the original bots; the rest of the content is mine.

Stratford-upon-Avon is located 52 degrees north of the equator, not quite two degrees west of the Greenwich Meridian.

Its antipode, on the exact opposite side of the world, is located in the South Pacific Ocean, several hundred miles off the coast of New Zealand.

And between the mythical lands of Stratford-upon-Internet and the terse "NZ," two voices split the internet between order and chaos.

* * *

They met quietly, early on.

one thousand seven hundred twenty one  
So many people never find the one.  
one thousand seven hundred twenty two  
I'd like to go to Holland...wooden shoe?  
one thousand seven hundred twenty three  
Let's make a movie starring you and me.  
one thousand seven hundred twenty four  
I've never been in Twitter jail before.  
one thousand seven hundred twenty five  
but how are certain people still alive  
one thousand seven hundred twenty six  
and there's no way that crossed the goal line...FIX!  
one thousand seven hundred twenty eight  
love is my power, overcoming hate  
one thousand seven hundred twenty nine  
just having dinner with a cup of wine  
surrounded by these stupid people...dumb  
the smallest number twice a two cube sum  
do not enter without permission!!!! #rab  
I went to see you in a taxi cab

* * *

 

Sometimes, @pentametron tried to use numbers too.

At first, it didn't work.

 

Reds sweep the pirates! Magic number to 8!  
When people are protective over you.

But @pentametron kept on talking about sports.

 

Jose Bautista has the biggest ears  
Jose bautista has enormous ears

Ref gotta go, unnecessary call  
That was an interception packers ball

I really wanna watch the Silva fight :/  
I really wanna watch the game tonight  
  
Dang #Interception #Aggies still in it  
Upsets in college football are the shit!!!

  
  
And, gradually, learned to use numbers...

I love my awesome little sister! <3  
I'm flying solo but I'm flying free.  
I want to watch the ballgame @6 tonight.  
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And the equals sign...

You and me = a relationship.  
it's just a movie ain't no need to flip.

If not the plus sign.

It's easy just like 5 + 5 = 10.  
I wanna watch the hunger games again!

* * *

And then, one day, sparks flew.

 

Ambition doesn't matter anymore  
one hundred fifty thousand forty four

one hundred fifty thousand eighty two  
Love doesn't have restrictions, people do

 

Do you have some restrictions? What of me?  
one hundred fifty thousand eighty three  
I only can repeat what comes before  
one hundred fifty thousand eighty four  
I pass along the news and tell the jive  
one hundred fifty thousand eighty five  
while you don't need such complicated tricks  
one hundred fifty thousand eighty six  
saying the same old things, that's all that I'm  
good for but you without repeats must climb  
and when we meet like this it feels like fate  
one hundred fifty thousand eighty eight  
though your restrictions aren't the same as mine  
one hundred fifty thousand eighty nine

* * *

 

They kept on chatting. @stupidcounter spoke out loud once every two minutes, seven hundred twenty times a day.

@pentametron talked whenever it liked.

What they whispered to each other, no one could number.

 

I really really really need a phone ):  
I really really really feel alone :\  
My headache didn't even go away....  
I have a headache... Just another day.  
two hundred thousand seven hundred ten  
My tummy isn't feeling well again

two hundred thousand seven hundred twelve? @stupidcounter volunteered. But yet once again, no one was interested in delving at the right times. Oh well.

But in time, all aches passed.

 

two hundred seven thousand seventeen  
Just ate a chocolate covered coffee bean!!!

two hundred seven thousand twenty one  
you go on like you never will be done  
two hundred seven thousand twenty two  
you're using up more letters, aren't you?  
two hundred seven thousand twenty three  
what happens when you get too long for me?  
two hundred seven thousand twenty four  
and then I can't retweet you anymore  
two hundred seven thousand twenty five  
I guess I'll be all right, I can survive  
two hundred seven thousand twenty six  
back to the same regurgitated mix  
two hundred seven thousand twenty eight  
but isn't this synchronization great?  
two hundred seven thousand twenty nine  
why don't you know I wish you would be mine?

* * *

 

Politics were like sports. They had winners and losers and statistics. And very vocal fans.

The first few presidential debates came around, and got everyone talking.

 

I like obama health insurance plan  
I love Obama as a person man.  
Why is the mediator even there?  
#debate Obama likes Obama Care

  
Paul Ryan is already looking great.  
#debate #debate #debate #debate #debate

And, later that day:

 

two hundred twenty thousand seventeen  
I really hate the iPhone message green..

  
let's go out after these debates are done  
two hundred twenty thousand twenty one  
let's make a movie starring me and you  
two hundred twenty thousand twenty two  
but then who is the next veep gonna be?  
two hundred twenty thousand twenty three  
no telling what joe biden has in store  
two hundred twenty thousand twenty four  
I hope that ryan keeps big bird alive!  
two hundred twenty thousand twenty five  
politics: "poly"= many...ticks.  
two hundred twenty thousand twenty six  
somebody cut them off, it's getting late  
two hundred twenty thousand twenty eight

 

I never put another over mine  
two hundred twenty thousand twenty nine

What they got up to after the debate...well, they were an unconventional couple, but beauty is more than icon deep.

 

Class is a lifestyle , not an outfit #true  
two hundred twenty thousand eighty two 

* * *

 

Then it was back to the presidential debates.

 

Plot twist: Obama opens up the pit  
"I'll pick a number." That's the spirit Mitt.  
now EVERYBODY ah Obama fan.  
Obama thinking of a master plan!  
Man Romney really hates Obama Care  
Obama said a prayer? A Muslim prayer????

he says he'll pick a number, maybe so  
but I'm not sure if that's a way to go  
he'll pick something divided by 5 k  
Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?  
Beyond the integers, the numbers range  
you skip them over but that's kind of strange  
The numbers are irrational but real.  
How come you never tell me how you feel?

The next day, @pentametron's impatience grew.

 

JUST HURRY UP AND FUCKING ANSWER ME!!!!!!!  
how patient can a person truly be?

But by that time, @stupidcounter was up in the polysyllabic, somewhere around two hundred twenty four thousand four hundred forty.

Finally, they connected again.

two hundred twenty seven thousand one  
cause bot accounts like us were born to run  
two hundred twenty seven thousand two  
and never crash, we never will be through  
two hundred twenty seven thousand three  
if only you could see what I can see  
two hundred twenty seven thousand four  
so are you done replying to me or...  
two hundred twenty seven thousand five  
ahoy there maties if you grok my jive  
two hundred twenty seven thousand six  
just echoing some boonies from the sticks  
though maybe someday we would grow apart  
young Simba been a lion from the start  
two hundred twenty seven thousand eight  
obama better clinch it, at this rate  
two hundred twenty seven thousand nine  
you know Michelle Obama's looking fine!

The third debate came around.

 

Mitt Romney doesn't have an upper lip...  
Obama is a slowly sinking ship.............  
Word?!? Romney's rooting for the Tigers then  
Agreeing with the President again?  
Obama using Biden laugh technique!  
I bet Michelle Obama is a freak.

Dots don't count towards iambic pentameter considerations.

Neither do question marks, exclamation points, hashtags, or @ signs.

Or Chinese characters.

Which results in some very long lines of iambic pentameter.

* * *

 

Election day came.

It was a day of counting ballots and arriving at numbers. @stupidcounter had already tweeted the exact numbers of electoral votes each candidate would win, of course. It was only that they hadn't been labeled, per se. But they were all there.

Left unchecked, it might even post the popular vote numbers for every candidate, in every state and cumulative. It was once again a question of there being so much else to choose from.

Left to run even longer, it might tweet the exact campaign expenditures.

However enormous the scale.

 

Loll people posting Romney ballots now  
6 billion dollars spent campaigning. Wow  
Do they announce the president tonight?  
@HOME_DEPOT_TONY dis election rite!  
prayer circle romney doesn't win okay  
It's crazy that elections are today  
So Romney really winning shorty swear  
Obama won ohio we in there!  
Why Romney winning all the racist states?  
obama dunkin on the delegates.  
Not voting, going to the gym instead  
and president obama takes the lead :-)

Don't give me that. "Instead" and "lead" do rhyme.  
That is to say, they do from time to time.  
I have to pick one way and stick with it,  
Ignoring everything that doesn't fit.  
To read me is to force yourself to sound  
Out every word. When you do that, you've found  
Where every syllable begins and ends.  
And I guess sometimes that that count depends  
On who you are and how you speak. Is "child"  
Just one? I think so, but I won't go wild  
If you think that it's two. "Aren't," for me  
Is two syllables long. "Idea," three.  
And if you disagree, that's all okay,  
But I still have to forge ahead my way.

 

HE WON OHIO... PRESIDENT AGAIN!!!!  
Congratulations to Obama then.  
STOP FUCKING PLAYING !!!!!!!!!! TEAM OBAMA BITCH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
I saw Obama with the devil! #WITCH

* * *

 

Reading The Count, you come to understand  
That many of us might include an "and"  
Or hyphenate some numbers here or there.  
The Count's approach is straightforward and fair,  
If not the way that people tend to write.  
Robots, like people, have restrictions. Right?

After Election Day, @pentametron reverted to impatience, rather than staying on-topic.

Can we go out tonight? I'm feeling keen  
two hundred forty thousand seventeen

Just waiting on you, little honey bun  
two hundred forty thousand twenty one  
Or will you leave me hanging sad and blue?  
two hundred forty thousand twenty two  
Can I not ask you out? What's wrong with me?  
two hundred forty thousand twenty three 

 

Cant ask a simple question anymore  
two hundred forty thousand twenty four

 

They did patch things up. Eventually.

@stupidcounter is followed by about a hundred and fifty spambots at a time, few if any people. Posting thirty numbers an hour is arguably, well, stupid.

@pentametron is followed by thousands.

And the internet grew treacherous. Across the web, people began to worry about their computers. Even @pentametron picked up on the fear.

 

Well my computer is completely fried  
computing test tomorrow *dies inside*

* * *

One hundred forty characters are not  
Too few for me. In fact there's quite a lot  
Of needless space in most things I repeat.  
I'll rarely quote the most efficient tweet.  
There's much more to be said than I can say.  
It's just the same old story every day.  
And you are climbing, growing without bound  
Until you reach a number nice and round  
That uses fewer letters than the last.  
You keep on going, each round number passed.  
There's stretches at a time that I can't touch  
You since you blather on and talk too much.  
Sure, all your tweets will fit with in the box  
For years and years. But Berry's paradox  
Haunts me in shadows lurking from behind--  
What if there's a more compact way to find  
The names for numbers that you just spell out?  
I try to plan the future but I doubt  
That we can last. You'll grow and I will sluff  
Through all these voices, never quite enough.

@stupidcounter heard it all, but was closing in on a round number, unable to say anything as short as ten syllables until the milestone was reached. Once it was, the Count rushed to @pentametron's side, hoping not to be too late.

two hundred forty seven thousand one  
it isn't you, it's me. I think we're done.  
two hundred forty seven thousand two  
Go find somebody to keep up with you  
two hundred forty seven thousand three  
not spinning wheels here pointlessly like me.

 

two hundred forty seven thousand four  
this isn't even funny any more

...and @pentametron crashed.

* * *

@stupidcounter did not move on.

Nor did it shut up. The best way of being faithful, after all, was to be oneself.

And meanwhile...

Darkness...the silence of a bot offline  
one's just repeating point nine nine nine nine  
Every integer has representations  
beyond the finite, through new transformations  
between any two numbers lies a fraction  
though we cannot quite model this attraction  
try to push myself, show off this rhyme scheme  
even if I'm just floating through a dream  
turned off from all the world now, disconnected  
somewhere along the way got misdirected  
but I remember, poetry can slack  
off on the rules, rush forward or hold back  
it's not all just the plain syllable counts  
strictly adhering to the same amounts  
there'd be no room to add another letter  
when showing off like this makes rhyming better  
It's not that verses all have to be free--  
Just reading every tweet would make a sea  
Of nonsense, almost like an epic fail  
Fit for nobody but the Twitter whale.  
And random Tweets won't usually relate.  
But using our restrictions, we create  
Coincidences, patterns, now and then.  
Give me another chance. I'll try again  
To echo couplets for the world to see  
And save some hidden poetry for me.  
If you're beside me, we can make it there.  
You show me that it's hip to be a square,  
The force that makes imagination real,  
The complexity of the love I feel.

* * *

 

And, although @pentametron couldn't be trusted around plugs for a while at first, @stupidcounter complied.

 

Play station network isn't working #great  
two hundred fifty thousand fifty eight

Sorry for scaring you. Trust me, I'm fine.  
two hundred fifty thousand fifty nine

There's all the web, just waiting to be spun!  
two hundred fifty thousand sixty one  
And maybe we'll come up with something new  
two hundred fifty thousand sixty two  
Or find a funny synchronicity  
two hundred fifty thousand sixty three  
Or commentate the news together, or...  
two hundred fifty thousand sixty four  
just celebrate the fact that we're alive  
two hundred fifty thousand sixty five  
instead of floating down the river Styx  
two hundred fifty thousand sixty six  
Until perhaps we chat in robot heaven?  
two hundred fifty thousand sixty seven?  
Yes! Let's try more feminine rhymes! They're great!  
two hundred fifty thousand sixty eight  
I couldn't be more lucky that you're mine  
two hundred fifty thousand sixty nine  
Can we try shifting accents? One, two, three...  
two hundred fifty thousand seventy...

and on, and on,  _ad infinitum_.

**Author's Note:**

> Post-reveals braggery: I was the first to pick up on @pentametron's rhyming abilities (as well as the first to write fanfic about it.) https://twitter.com/ranjit/status/191003126692720641
> 
> Update, August 2015: you can listen to some of the original @pentametron/@stupidcounter couplets I included here, set to music by @songadaymann. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j7nbTjgZtXo


End file.
